You're not a sweet potato......... Oh yes I yam!

"With his head carved out of....POTATO"

Name: Nuck Lee
Construction: Kerrs pink potato
Most likely to say: "Give me some skin"

Put the money in the bag, slag.

Names: Walter the Owl and Mungo

Construction: Walter - Water Melon, partial carrot and olive x2

Mungo -Galia, carrot, olive x2 , orange, part aubergine and apple

Most likely to say: Walter "Put the money in the bag and no-on gets hurt" Mungo "You slag"

Polygonum Multiflorum oriental phallic veg

This unusual herb is better known as Chinese Knotweed, and is said to rejuvenate the body.

He Shouwu ('Black-haired Mr. He'), was a Chinese man who was reputed to have lived until the age of 132, and was known to be consumer of this herb.

They are used in Chinese medicines to treat weak bones and prevent premature greying of hair.

Apparently the knotweed pictured is not 'typical' - I have it on good authority that they don't always look like fat-necked little men with big hair, lady hips and no gonads.

Parsnip with a semi

Would you mnd if Peter touched you with his fat carrot hand?

Originally unveiled in the green fingered gardeners local paper the Shropshire Star is the story of Peter Jackson's from Acton Burnell who got more than he bargained for when dug up this unusual 'hand carrot'.

His daughter Lindsay is rumoured to have said "Dad is a keen gardener - when he dug up the carrot he licked it, took a Polaroid photograph then ran off through the streets of Condover touching people with his fat carroty digits".

'Cantaloupi' the carrot-toothed rabbit.

Name: Cantaloupi
Construction: 2 x cantaloupe melon, 2 x red grape + partial carrot.
Most likely to say: "Lorsque le Groupe d'experts a foutre a mon nez?"

The Cat in the Hat

Fruit sculpture meets feline fashion.
Similar 30's headgear & fruit based protection can easily be fashioned for heads of all sizes:
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Labrador - Cantaloupe
Tortoise - Clementine
Spider money - pineapple
Human - Water melon
Frog - Kumquat
etc. etc. etc.

Solanum melongena - The purple warrior

The Aubergine (or Eggplant) has a spiny stem and his flowers are white to purple.

You will often see him sporting a five-lobed corolla and yellow stamens.

The fruit (which is often used as a vegetable) is fleshy, and usually quite small (less than 3 cm in diameter on wild plants).

However you will probably be more familiar with the much larger in cultivated forms found in supermarkets, like the one pictured above that looks a bit like he has a winky.

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If you have a vegetable that looks like a penis please send a picture of it to marmalord@marmaland.com

(Please note: if you have a penis that look like a vegetable photo's are not required).

Vincent Van Melon

Desirable Potato?

As my debut blog entry, allow me to (proudly) present you with a desiree potato that looks a bit like a cock.

Enjoy.